tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39713012438212174942024-02-20T20:09:56.322-05:00Ask The Snide Atheist | Atheist Satire, HumorGet snide, sarcastic answers to your questions from a cynical, booze-guzzling, god-hating, baby-eating atheist.The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-76071803998329407602011-02-07T17:40:00.000-05:002011-02-07T17:40:03.014-05:002011 Resolutions<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">So Snide, what would you like to accomplish in 2011?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Kelly M</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Kelly,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I'm happy to see the folks at the institute allow you access to the internet! What do I hope to accomplish? The same thing I accomplish every year - trying to fill in the <em>soul-crushing</em> emptiness and pointlessness of existence by passing out <em>drunk</em> every night after having unprotected sex with strangers. I like to make resolutions I can <em>stick to</em>.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #660000;">The Snide Atheist</span> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-76810715695999801622010-12-21T15:42:00.000-05:002010-12-21T15:42:23.310-05:00Reason for the Season<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">In honor of Christmas, what do you think is "the reason for the season?"<br />
Bert, OH</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Bert,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I see you've suffered brain damage, due to asphyxiation, from choking on a Christmas ornament...again! Obviously, the "reason for the season" is to celebrate the <em>glory</em> of the coming of Christ, the savior of mankind and the Son of <em>God</em>. Apparently, this is best accomplished by spending thousands of dollars on spoiled <em>brats</em> who already have too much crap, and by stuffing your <em>fat</em> mouth with junk food until you have explosive <em>diarrhea</em>. Merry Christmas!</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-28571644354458136072010-11-26T15:03:00.000-05:002010-11-26T15:03:19.741-05:00Sarah Palin<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,<br />
I was wondering if you could give us your take on Sarah Palin. Why do people listen to this fucktard? Is it me or are Americans getting more stupid by the day??? <br />
Pat B</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Pat B,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Certainly, these queries are getting more stupid by the day! People listen to Sarah Palin because she represents <em>real </em>Americans. You know, real Americans - ignorant, god-fearing, mouth-breathing, slobbering morons who can't tell the difference between <em>boobs</em> and <em>brains</em>. When they get sexually excited from starting at their idol, Sarah Palin, they think they're being <em>intellectually</em> stimulated. Then again, for them, this is probably true.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-78696582949558553672010-11-22T13:03:00.001-05:002010-11-22T13:03:22.482-05:00Atheism a Religion<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Is it true that atheism is just another religion and atheists worship science as god?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">D.P.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear D.P.,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">If ignorance was a paintbrush, you'd be freakin' Pablo Picasso! Atheism <i>cannot</i> be a religion. This can be proven logically using the following airtight argument: all atheists are <i>smart</i>; only <i>dumb</i> people are religious; therefore atheists cannot be religious; thereby atheism is <i>not</i> a religion. Additionally, it is <i>not</i> true that we worship science. We do highly <i>value</i> it however, as it provides us with new designer drugs, as well as improved medicines for healing our <i>ravaged</i> and <i>abused</i> bodies.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-41867388189603832982010-11-19T17:28:00.000-05:002010-11-19T17:28:14.854-05:00Killing Kittens<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,<br />
If there is no God, who kills the kittens when I masturbate?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Spherical Basterd</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Spherical Basterd,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">You'll be happy to know you and my left testicle share the same name! Where did you hear such a ridiculous idea? Don't worry about it. <em>Nobody</em> kills kittens when you masturbate. They simply commit <em>suicide</em> due to an inability to deal with the disgusting idea of you <em>defiling</em> yourself. Personally, I don't blame them.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-46789930051331499082010-11-18T16:52:00.001-05:002010-11-18T16:53:16.059-05:00Preparing Babies<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">When preparing babies or fetus for dinner, should I marinate them first or just use a dry rub? Also, can you recommend a good wine to go along with them. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Thanks,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Emeril </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Emeril,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I fear you've bammed your head one too many times! The beauty of baby is that its delicious no matter <em>how </em>you prepare it. Heck, sometimes I just tear chunks of the bone and gulp it down <em>raw</em>. Regarding wine to serve with baby, I highly suggest the </span><a href="http://www.wineaccess.com/wine/product/244448/1982-Chateau-Petrus-Pomerol"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">'82 Château Pétrus Pomerol</span></a><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-40905915740479423462010-11-16T11:00:00.000-05:002010-11-16T11:00:42.580-05:00Celebrating Christmas<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Do you celebrate Christmas? If so, do you have a Christmas tree?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Anne</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Anne,<br />
I can see that you have an unhealthy obsession with phallic objects! Of course, I celebrate Christmas. The unbridled <em>consumerism</em>; the hedonistic <em>gluttony</em> and consumption of alcohol; the ceaseless arguing and aggression; the inevitable post-Christmas depression - Christmas was <em>made</em> for atheists. In fact, I didn't even know Christmas was supposed to be a religious holiday until I heard Bill O'Reilly <em>yapping</em> about it a couple of years ago. If this is the way that Christians celebrate the birth of their <em>god</em>, it could very well be a religion I could get behind! And yes, I do include a Christmas tree. Where <em>else</em> would I hang all my Christmas tree lights?<br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-84602728566591501662010-11-12T17:32:00.000-05:002010-11-12T17:32:43.142-05:00Doomed<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist.<br />
God has you on his list,and he's marking it twice. You are doomed.</span><br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10737514929319070578" rel="nofollow"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">nogod</span></a><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear nogod,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I'm less than surprised to see that your mental state has continued to deteriorate! God can mark me on his list a thousand times for all I care. That has <em>nothing </em>to do with the fact that I'm doomed. I'm doomed simply because I'm stuck living in a world where the vast majority of people are <em>delusional</em> enough to believe in fairy tales about invisible <em>sky daddies</em>. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go baste the <em>baby</em> I have cooking in the oven.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-46758103217825053442010-11-10T17:16:00.000-05:002010-11-10T17:16:34.607-05:00Getting Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I have a problem with Jehovah's witnesses. I can't act like I'm not home, because you can see right into my living room. Tell them you are atheist, you almost have to call the cops to have them removed. Do you have a sure fire method of getting them the fuck off of your porch so they NEVER come back? (Short of mace or tasering them.) Thanks!<br />
K in TN </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear K,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Proselytizers coming to your door are the least of your problems! I find the best way to keep these types of <em>vermin</em> from banging on my door is by answering the door wearing nothing but an <em>open bath robe</em>. Then again, this is pretty much how I <em>always</em> answer the door. I wonder if this is why no Girl Scouts have come around selling cookies lately? Damn, and I could really go for a <em>Samoa</em>.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-34139424217531346852010-11-08T12:55:00.000-05:002010-11-08T12:55:24.913-05:00Cats and Dogs<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,<br />
My cat is an atheist but my dog is a devout christian. How can I mend this animosity between them?</span><br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10737514929319070578" rel="nofollow"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">nogod</span></a><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear nogod,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">You should really consider suing your parents for repeatedly dropping you on your head when you were an infant! It will be difficult, but not impossible, to mend the animosity between your pets. All you have to do is get your dog to stop being so <em>delusional</em> and to stop sniffing people's <em>butts</em>. Admittedly, two behaviors which seem to be difficult for many of the devout to cease. If that fails, I find leaving Christians <em>tied-up</em> in the back yard eventually helps correct bad behaviors.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-49715152377486398672010-11-02T12:05:00.000-04:002010-11-02T12:05:06.946-04:00Anti-Social?<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Where's your facebook page? Are you anti-social?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Anonymous</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Anonymous,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">If there is a god, he punishes humanity because of people like you! Anti-social? I don't have a Facebook page because I <em>am </em>social. You know - going out, hanging out with people, yelling at them face to face like a normal human being, buying sex acts from them - being <em>social</em>. Sorry to shatter everyone's illusions, but sitting in front of a computer screen, updating your "status" every five minutes doesn't make you social - it makes you a <em>loser</em>.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-90399862788342170032010-11-01T12:44:00.000-04:002010-11-01T12:44:59.104-04:00Jesus' Sexual Habits<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,<br />
Did Jesus masturbate? </span><br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10737514929319070578" rel="nofollow"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">nogod</span></a><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear nogod,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I see you're more concerned with letting Jesus into your pants, than your heart! <em>Of course</em> Jesus didn't masturbate. Back then, there were so many farm animals around, that a frisky boy like Jesus would <em>never</em> have had to resort to using his own hand. He didn't get that reputation as a shepherd who <em>loves</em> his flock for nothing.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-49568471950507565542010-10-29T12:42:00.002-04:002010-10-29T12:44:46.201-04:00The Snide Atheist Needs Your Questions<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Readers,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist needs you. Well, not really you, but your questions at least. The Snide Atheist really couldn't give two craps about you. However, this blog needs your questions to run. It also needs copious amounts of Jack Daniel's, but I've got that covered. So, get off your lazy collective asses and send me so friggin' questions. Pretty please. With god damn sprinkles on top. Click </span><a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com/p/submit-question-for-snide-atheist.html"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">HERE</span></a><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"> or send an email to thesnideatheist (at) gmail (dot) com. If you have a link to a blog or website that you want included, let me know and I'll make your name a link.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-16568420837249223922010-10-28T12:13:00.000-04:002010-10-28T12:13:49.934-04:00Being Awesome<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,<br />
Is it difficult to be so awsome? No one has ever asked me that question so I should at least ask someone else.<br />
Andy</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br />
<span style="color: #660000;">Dear Andy,<br />
Do you find it difficult being such a huge kiss-ass!? Being awesome comes as easy to me as being <em>delusional</em> comes to religious people - pretty damn easy. Although, from time-to-time, if I am feeling a bit less awesome than usual, I ask my mom to tell me how awesome I am. When she <em>laughs</em> in my face, I then get smashed and pay a hooker to tell me how awesome I am while she <em>blows</em> me in the pews of the church up the street.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-16584679797932490482010-10-26T14:48:00.000-04:002010-10-26T14:48:20.647-04:00What Jesus Did to Me<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">What exactly did Jesus do to you to cause such animosity?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">C.M.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear C.M.,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I am shocked and dismayed that the doctors allow you to use a computer unsupervised! It is <em>well-known</em> that Jesus died for my sins. The problem is that I didn't ask that presumptuous jerk for <em>anything</em>. Why should I have to suffer through a lifelong <em>guilt-trip</em> because of the delusional self-righteousness of some hippy nutjob who lived millenia ago? Now, if he had deposited $10 for me in an <em>interest-bearing</em> account 2000 years ago, it'd be a whole different story. <br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-11320990553042788092010-10-25T12:59:00.000-04:002010-10-25T12:59:18.485-04:00Wrong About God?<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">What if your wrong about God?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Stanman</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Stanman,<br />
Your query seriously makes me wonder whether humanity has any redeeming characteristics whatsoever! Aside from your ignorance of what is known in English as a "contraction," you are also apparently unaware that, as an atheist, it is virtually <em>impossible</em> for me to be wrong. The whole reason for <em>being</em> an atheist, is so that you can be your own god. And, as everyone knows, god is omniscient. Therefore, atheists know everything, and <em>cannot</em> be wrong. In conclusion, your question is not only grammatically nonsensical, but also logically impossible.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-86649588152207544322010-10-24T00:12:00.000-04:002010-10-24T00:12:45.924-04:00Atheists and AIDS<div style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist, </span><br style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;" /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">I've heard that people get AIDS the moment they become an atheist. Is this true?</span></div><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Del in Delaware </span><br style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;" /><br style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;" /><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Dear Del,</span><br style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;" /><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">I'm extremely impressed with your ability to use the internet after getting a frontal lobotomy! This is nothing more than a <i>myth</i>, and, in fact, exactly the opposite is true: the moment a person becomes <i>religious</i> they get AIDS (Acquired <b>Intellectual</b> Deficiency Syndrome). Fortunately, we have a vaccine which defends against this type of AIDS: be rational and avoid sharing used-up, irrational ideologies, particularly from religious <i>junkies</i>.</span><br style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;" /><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;" /><span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-67546494301388462032010-10-22T14:46:00.000-04:002010-10-22T14:46:33.691-04:00Advice Blows<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist, <br />
Why does all your advice blow?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Moonite</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Moonite,<br />
If you've run out of tampons, buy some more, or simply borrow one from a friend! Obviously, my advice <em>blows</em> because it doesn't <em>suck</em>. If it's sucky advice you want, then look to <em>religion</em>.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-44080733300495613502010-10-21T11:59:00.001-04:002010-10-21T12:00:52.309-04:00Suffering and Internet Porn<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,<br />
With all the suffering in the world, how do you get by in life without believing in god? </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Anonymous</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Anonymous,<br />
I sorely wish I had a 10 megaton nuclear weapon handy which I could place in your toilet and wire to go off when you sit down to take another crap like this one! The answer is very simple. I get by <em>without</em> god the same way I get by <em>with</em> being married: internet porn. And obscene amounts of alcohol, of course.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Courier New;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Courier New;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-74640696270538782192010-10-19T12:54:00.000-04:002010-10-19T12:54:43.426-04:00Treatment of Fetuses<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Is it true that atheists believe it's okay to rip fetuses straight from the womb, then rape, murder and eat them? Because there is no God, is everything allowed?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">BoLio</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear BoLio,<br />
This is exactly the type of idiotic question that makes atheists want to rip fetuses out of women in the first place! Of course, it's <em>technically</em> okay, but no self-respecting atheist would rape the fetus <em>before</em> murdering it. Duh.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-83305112068735505052010-10-18T16:41:00.000-04:002010-10-18T16:41:50.605-04:00Religious Ceremonies<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Do you attend religious ceremonies and rituals of your friends and family? If so, how do you manage to get through them?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Courier New;">lilith in minnesota</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear lilith,<br />
What I really want to know is how I manage to get through these mind-numbingly idiotic queries! Actually, I do tend to <em>avoid </em>religious ceremonies my family and friends take part in. Although, in fact, I <em>do</em> find many religious ceremonies interesting and engaging on psychological, emotional, and sociological levels, and <em>can </em>appreciate the insight they provide regarding how these various rituals tie us together as human beings. I simply <em>can't stand</em> to be around my family and friends.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-44460198406851369582010-10-18T13:23:00.000-04:002010-10-18T13:23:15.098-04:00Inspiring Bible Passage<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,<br />
How can you deny the truth of the bible with verses like these:<br />
Ezekiel 23:19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">tweed</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear tweed,<br />
Finally, a good question! Now, please excuse me while I take my bible to the bathroom and lookup this verse to study it in more detail.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-38185131296093873442010-10-15T16:42:00.002-04:002010-10-15T16:42:51.597-04:00Angels Getting Their Wings<span style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I heard that an angel get its wings every time I run down an atheist in my car. Is this true?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">MrS</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dear MrS,<br />
I didn't realize they allowed people with advanced dementia to operate automobiles! The answer to your query, in fact, is <em>yes</em>. That is, if by "angel," you mean a huge, burly <em>inmate</em> in a federal penitentiary, and by "its wings," you mean your <em>cornhole</em>. Of course, access to this information would no doubt encourage many, many Christian men to <em>furiously</em> start running down atheists, so try to keep it under wraps.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-17156795778212905162010-10-15T12:26:00.002-04:002010-10-15T18:29:15.385-04:00Zeus vs. Thor<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist, </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Who would win in a fight, Zeus or Thor?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Irashtar</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Irashtar,<br />
I'm amazed that you haven't swallowed your own tongue and choked on it...yet! Let's see, on one side we have a creepy, bearded <em>rapist</em> who married his sister. On the other side we have a dimwitted, Scandinavian <em>ginger</em> who carries a hammer around like an <em>idiot</em>. I really have no idea who would win in a fight between these two <em>losers</em>, but I can tell you that either one of them would beat the crap out of that <em>wussbag hippy</em> Jesus. Then again, my 7 year old niece could wipe the floor with that pacifist <em>wimp, </em>so that's not saying much.</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3971301243821217494.post-51658315467700451702010-10-14T16:42:00.001-04:002010-10-15T12:55:44.545-04:00Sex with Catholic Chick<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Snide Atheist,</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I was thinking about having sex with this really hot Catholic chick. She says she's a virgin, and thus, doesn't have any STDs. Should I use a condom?</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Anonymous</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Dear Anonymous,</span><br />
<span style="color: #660000; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">That you even posed this question shows me that they should have removed you from life support years ago! Never ponder, just <em>do</em>. Regarding STDs, even if she wasn't a virgin, who cares? Why the heck do you think they invented <em>antibiotics</em> in the first place? This is one thing the Pope actually got right - using condoms is definitely a <em>sin</em>.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
The Snide Atheist</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">Copyright © 2010 <a href="http://thesnideatheist.blogspot.com">Ask the Snide Atheist</a>. All Rights Reserved.</div>The Snide Atheisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02248489038484259419noreply@blogger.com0