November 10, 2010

Getting Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses

Dear Snide Atheist,
I have a problem with Jehovah's witnesses. I can't act like I'm not home, because you can see right into my living room. Tell them you are atheist, you almost have to call the cops to have them removed. Do you have a sure fire method of getting them the fuck off of your porch so they NEVER come back? (Short of mace or tasering them.) Thanks!
K in TN


Dear K,
Proselytizers coming to your door are the least of your problems!  I find the best way to keep these types of vermin from banging on my door is by answering the door wearing nothing but an open bath robe.  Then again, this is pretty much how I always answer the door.  I wonder if this is why no Girl Scouts have come around selling cookies lately?  Damn, and I could really go for a Samoa.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist

11 comments:

  1. You and UPS must have a strained relationship.

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  2. Well, I am a girl, so that might be problematic. I'm thinking that a taser sounds good....
    K in TN

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  3. "Andy said...
    You and UPS must have a strained relationship."

    Nah, it's their job to handle my package.

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  4. "Well, I am a girl, so that might be problematic. I'm thinking that a taser sounds good....
    K in TN"

    I think you should still do the open robe thing. Just make sure to send me your address so I can, uh, help you test it out.

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  5. ok, ok, i have the solution to gettin the asssinine and stupid jehovah witnesses off your porch, get a pit bull and answer teh door with it in tow. I did that and they have never been back. and as far as the atheists with no hope for eternal bliss are concerned, they need to be run off as well. you people are the dumbest animals on the face of the earth. you sit and say there is no evidence that Jesus was real, ARE YOU ALL STUPID TO NO END? YES!
    the Bible is proof. if you dont read it then you have no right to talk shit. and you will be sorry when the tribulation and rapture start and you dumbasses are left behind. and guess what, more power to ya. y'all are as blind as that stupid ellen johnson who says that there is no evidence that Jesus ever existed. That God is a myth and Jesus was a manmade myth. Dumb bitch, you will all learn the hard way and we will be upstairs goin, "told you so". Have fun in hell, let us know if its hot enough

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  6. "Anonymous said...
    ...and as far as the atheists with no hope for eternal bliss are concerned, they need to be run off as well. you people are the dumbest animals on the face of the earth. you sit and say there is no evidence that Jesus was real..."

    Come now - there's plenty of evidence that Jesus is real for millions of people around the world, just as Santa Claus is real for millions of children around the world. Simple-minded people can be convinced just about anything is real.

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  7. If I have to choose, I say hell is where the good party will be anyway....if I believed in such nonsense...
    K in TN

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  8. The Snide Atheist said...
    I think you should still do the open robe thing. Just make sure to send me your address so I can, uh, help you test it out.

    Yeah? What if after that you won't leave?? Then again, I'm thinking probably stalking would require too much effort on your part so..yeah..what the hell? You can "help"....
    K in TN

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  9. "Kelly in TN said...
    Yeah? What if after that you won't leave?? Then again, I'm thinking probably stalking would require too much effort on your part so..yeah..what the hell? You can "help"...."

    Could you do me a favor and keep your bedroom curtains open just a tad more at night? Thanks!

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  10. The Snide Atheist said..

    Could you do me a favor and keep your bedroom curtains open just a tad more at night? Thanks!

    Ok but only in the interest of "research"....no taking pictures or touching yourself.....

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  11. 1. Answer the door in your underwear.
    2. Get a big dog.

    Trust me this works, coming from a person who (regretfully) went door-to-door proselytizing.

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