Getting Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses

Dear Snide Atheist,
I have a problem with Jehovah's witnesses. I can't act like I'm not home, because you can see right into my living room. Tell them you are atheist, you almost have to call the cops to have them removed. Do you have a sure fire method of getting them the fuck off of your porch so they NEVER come back? (Short of mace or tasering them.) Thanks!
K in TN

Dear K,
Proselytizers coming to your door are the least of your problems!  I find the best way to keep these types of vermin from banging on my door is by answering the door wearing nothing but an open bath robe.  Then again, this is pretty much how I always answer the door.  I wonder if this is why no Girl Scouts have come around selling cookies lately?  Damn, and I could really go for a Samoa.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist