Dear Snide Atheist,
In honor of Christmas, what do you think is "the reason for the season?"
Bert, OH
Dear Bert,
I see you've suffered brain damage, due to asphyxiation, from choking on a Christmas ornament...again! Obviously, the "reason for the season" is to celebrate the glory of the coming of Christ, the savior of mankind and the Son of God. Apparently, this is best accomplished by spending thousands of dollars on spoiled brats who already have too much crap, and by stuffing your fat mouth with junk food until you have explosive diarrhea. Merry Christmas!
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
Showing posts with label god. Show all posts
Showing posts with label god. Show all posts
December 21, 2010
November 19, 2010
Killing Kittens
Dear Snide Atheist,
If there is no God, who kills the kittens when I masturbate?
Spherical Basterd
Dear Spherical Basterd,
You'll be happy to know you and my left testicle share the same name! Where did you hear such a ridiculous idea? Don't worry about it. Nobody kills kittens when you masturbate. They simply commit suicide due to an inability to deal with the disgusting idea of you defiling yourself. Personally, I don't blame them.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
If there is no God, who kills the kittens when I masturbate?
Spherical Basterd
Dear Spherical Basterd,
You'll be happy to know you and my left testicle share the same name! Where did you hear such a ridiculous idea? Don't worry about it. Nobody kills kittens when you masturbate. They simply commit suicide due to an inability to deal with the disgusting idea of you defiling yourself. Personally, I don't blame them.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
November 12, 2010
Doomed
Dear Snide Atheist.
God has you on his list,and he's marking it twice. You are doomed.
nogod
Dear nogod,
I'm less than surprised to see that your mental state has continued to deteriorate! God can mark me on his list a thousand times for all I care. That has nothing to do with the fact that I'm doomed. I'm doomed simply because I'm stuck living in a world where the vast majority of people are delusional enough to believe in fairy tales about invisible sky daddies. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go baste the baby I have cooking in the oven.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
God has you on his list,and he's marking it twice. You are doomed.
nogod
Dear nogod,
I'm less than surprised to see that your mental state has continued to deteriorate! God can mark me on his list a thousand times for all I care. That has nothing to do with the fact that I'm doomed. I'm doomed simply because I'm stuck living in a world where the vast majority of people are delusional enough to believe in fairy tales about invisible sky daddies. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go baste the baby I have cooking in the oven.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
October 25, 2010
Wrong About God?
Dear Snide Atheist,
What if your wrong about God?
Stanman
Dear Stanman,
Your query seriously makes me wonder whether humanity has any redeeming characteristics whatsoever! Aside from your ignorance of what is known in English as a "contraction," you are also apparently unaware that, as an atheist, it is virtually impossible for me to be wrong. The whole reason for being an atheist, is so that you can be your own god. And, as everyone knows, god is omniscient. Therefore, atheists know everything, and cannot be wrong. In conclusion, your question is not only grammatically nonsensical, but also logically impossible.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
What if your wrong about God?
Stanman
Dear Stanman,
Your query seriously makes me wonder whether humanity has any redeeming characteristics whatsoever! Aside from your ignorance of what is known in English as a "contraction," you are also apparently unaware that, as an atheist, it is virtually impossible for me to be wrong. The whole reason for being an atheist, is so that you can be your own god. And, as everyone knows, god is omniscient. Therefore, atheists know everything, and cannot be wrong. In conclusion, your question is not only grammatically nonsensical, but also logically impossible.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
October 21, 2010
Suffering and Internet Porn
Dear Snide Atheist,
With all the suffering in the world, how do you get by in life without believing in god?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I sorely wish I had a 10 megaton nuclear weapon handy which I could place in your toilet and wire to go off when you sit down to take another crap like this one! The answer is very simple. I get by without god the same way I get by with being married: internet porn. And obscene amounts of alcohol, of course.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
With all the suffering in the world, how do you get by in life without believing in god?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I sorely wish I had a 10 megaton nuclear weapon handy which I could place in your toilet and wire to go off when you sit down to take another crap like this one! The answer is very simple. I get by without god the same way I get by with being married: internet porn. And obscene amounts of alcohol, of course.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
October 19, 2010
Treatment of Fetuses
Dear Snide Atheist,
Is it true that atheists believe it's okay to rip fetuses straight from the womb, then rape, murder and eat them? Because there is no God, is everything allowed?
BoLio
Dear BoLio,
This is exactly the type of idiotic question that makes atheists want to rip fetuses out of women in the first place! Of course, it's technically okay, but no self-respecting atheist would rape the fetus before murdering it. Duh.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
Is it true that atheists believe it's okay to rip fetuses straight from the womb, then rape, murder and eat them? Because there is no God, is everything allowed?
BoLio
Dear BoLio,
This is exactly the type of idiotic question that makes atheists want to rip fetuses out of women in the first place! Of course, it's technically okay, but no self-respecting atheist would rape the fetus before murdering it. Duh.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
October 05, 2010
Atheists in Denial
Dear Snide Atheist,
When are you going to realize that atheists live in denial?
DanDan
Dear DanDan,
Apparently your body is living in denial of the fact that your brain stopped working ages ago! Of course atheists live in denial. How else could we make it through the day? Just look at the facts. The vast majority of people walking around believe that some invisible sky daddy is going to reward them with eternal paradise after they die. That's frightening. The only way we can cope with constantly being surrounded by millions and millions of delusional nutjobs is to live in denial. When you're a sane person trapped in the nut house, denial is your only hope. Well, that and copious amounts of alcohol.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
When are you going to realize that atheists live in denial?
DanDan
Dear DanDan,
Apparently your body is living in denial of the fact that your brain stopped working ages ago! Of course atheists live in denial. How else could we make it through the day? Just look at the facts. The vast majority of people walking around believe that some invisible sky daddy is going to reward them with eternal paradise after they die. That's frightening. The only way we can cope with constantly being surrounded by millions and millions of delusional nutjobs is to live in denial. When you're a sane person trapped in the nut house, denial is your only hope. Well, that and copious amounts of alcohol.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
October 01, 2010
Tootsie Pops and Klondike Bars
Dear Snide Atheist,
I have two questions for you:
1.How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
2.What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
Duncan in NJ
Dear Duncan,
Too much junk food makes you a fat pimply loser, but I'm sure you're intimately familiar with that fact! The answer to both questions is the same: God is nothing but a comforting delusion for the weak-minded! Go eat a carrot or something.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
I have two questions for you:
1.How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
2.What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
Duncan in NJ
Dear Duncan,
Too much junk food makes you a fat pimply loser, but I'm sure you're intimately familiar with that fact! The answer to both questions is the same: God is nothing but a comforting delusion for the weak-minded! Go eat a carrot or something.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
September 30, 2010
Heavenly Father
Dear Snide Atheist,
How can you deny that God is our Heavenly Father?
JesusLove
Dear JesusLove,
Answering your question makes me want to gouge my right eye out with a fork, which I would gladly do if I hadn't already gouged out my left one after simply reading your question! The reason I can deny your fairy tale is my father is that I do, in fact, know who my actual father is. Sometimes, I think to myself, "I wonder if my poor relationship with my father has something to do with my atheism?" Then, I come to my senses and tell myself to stop being a complete moron. Then I down a fifth of Jack and get ready for the night's orgy.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
How can you deny that God is our Heavenly Father?
JesusLove
Dear JesusLove,
Answering your question makes me want to gouge my right eye out with a fork, which I would gladly do if I hadn't already gouged out my left one after simply reading your question! The reason I can deny your fairy tale is my father is that I do, in fact, know who my actual father is. Sometimes, I think to myself, "I wonder if my poor relationship with my father has something to do with my atheism?" Then, I come to my senses and tell myself to stop being a complete moron. Then I down a fifth of Jack and get ready for the night's orgy.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
Circular Logic
Dear Snide Atheist,
God wrote the Bible, therefore everything the Bible says is true. The Bible says that God exists, therefore God exists. After you die, it's too late to change your mind, so why don't you believe in God, since it's been proven that He exists?
ChristianGal
Dear ChristianGal,
I've had belly-button lint that understood logic better than you do! This is what is commonly known as 'circular logic.' It's called circular, because that's the type of saw used to cut open the skulls of people who use it, so that their brains can be removed and made into something more useful, such as throw pillows or sponges.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
God wrote the Bible, therefore everything the Bible says is true. The Bible says that God exists, therefore God exists. After you die, it's too late to change your mind, so why don't you believe in God, since it's been proven that He exists?
ChristianGal
Dear ChristianGal,
I've had belly-button lint that understood logic better than you do! This is what is commonly known as 'circular logic.' It's called circular, because that's the type of saw used to cut open the skulls of people who use it, so that their brains can be removed and made into something more useful, such as throw pillows or sponges.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
Hating God
Dear Snide Atheist,
Why do you hate god so much?
Annie in Georgia
Dear Annie,
Why do you annoy me with nausea-inducing queries?! I don't hate god - I can't hate that which does not exist. That being said, if he did exist, I would hate him because he's a huge jerk and asshole who killed my childhood puppy and allowed the Holocaust to happen too. Why god, why?
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
Why do you hate god so much?
Annie in Georgia
Dear Annie,
Why do you annoy me with nausea-inducing queries?! I don't hate god - I can't hate that which does not exist. That being said, if he did exist, I would hate him because he's a huge jerk and asshole who killed my childhood puppy and allowed the Holocaust to happen too. Why god, why?
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist
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