Atheism a Religion

Dear Snide Atheist,
Is it true that atheism is just another religion and atheists worship science as god?
D.P.

Dear D.P.,
If ignorance was a paintbrush, you'd be freakin' Pablo Picasso! Atheism cannot be a religion. This can be proven logically using the following airtight argument: all atheists are smart; only dumb people are religious; therefore atheists cannot be religious; thereby atheism is not a religion. Additionally, it is not true that we worship science. We do highly value it however, as it provides us with new designer drugs, as well as improved medicines for healing our ravaged and abused bodies.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist

Being Awesome

Dear Snide Atheist,
Is it difficult to be so awsome? No one has ever asked me that question so I should at least ask someone else.
Andy

Dear Andy,
Do you find it difficult being such a huge kiss-ass!?  Being awesome comes as easy to me as being delusional comes to religious people - pretty damn easy.  Although, from time-to-time, if I am feeling a bit less awesome than usual, I ask my mom to tell me how awesome I am.  When she laughs in my face, I then get smashed and pay a hooker to tell me how awesome I am while she blows me in the pews of the church up the street.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist

Atheists and AIDS

Dear Snide Atheist,
I've heard that people get AIDS the moment they become an atheist.  Is this true?

Del in Delaware

Dear Del,
I'm extremely impressed with your ability to use the internet after getting a frontal lobotomy! This is nothing more than a myth, and, in fact, exactly the opposite is true: the moment a person becomes religious they get AIDS (Acquired Intellectual Deficiency Syndrome). Fortunately, we have a vaccine which defends against this type of AIDS: be rational and avoid sharing used-up, irrational ideologies, particularly from religious junkies.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist

Advice Blows

Dear Snide Atheist,
Why does all your advice blow?
Moonite

Dear Moonite,
If you've run out of tampons, buy some more, or simply borrow one from a friend! Obviously, my advice blows because it doesn't suck. If it's sucky advice you want, then look to religion.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist

Religious Ceremonies

Dear Snide Atheist,
Do you attend religious ceremonies and rituals of your friends and family? If so, how do you manage to get through them?
lilith in minnesota

Dear lilith,
What I really want to know is how I manage to get through these mind-numbingly idiotic queries! Actually, I do tend to avoid religious ceremonies my family and friends take part in. Although, in fact, I do find many religious ceremonies interesting and engaging on psychological, emotional, and sociological levels, and can appreciate the insight they provide regarding how these various rituals tie us together as human beings. I simply can't stand to be around my family and friends.
Sincerely,
The Snide Atheist